How to Date a Girl With Trust Issues
Trust in a relationship is a humorous, fragile thing. On the one hand, it is a basic essential ingredient of a successful partnership between you and your lover. A relationship just does not work without it. On the other hand, when it disappears, bad things happen. The relationship may well go right down the drain.
Even if it is not wrecked completely, it will be a sluggish and difficult job to get things back again on an even keel. In a phrase, once bitten, two times shy. Or, to place it another way, if a man cheated or abused her (verbally or physically), why should she trust him or anyone again? HOW can she place her faith in someone again? Answer: she can't. At minimum not for now.
It is a common reaction to blame all men for the sins of her boyfriend or spouse. And do not rush to judgement here. Men do the same thing and react much the same way, when faced with betrayal and absence of trust from their girlfriends. The point is, you need to keep all this uncomfortable stuff in the back again of your mind, when courting a girl who has trouble trusting you or any man.
She may not tell you why or what happened to her, at minimum not at first. But it is probably because there was a absence of trust in a relationship that she was recently in. If you continue to go out with this girl, you will no doubt soon get all the gory details.
For now, though, you must be patient. You need to show her that you are not like her ex boyfriend who treated her terribly, even though you do not know exactly what happened. It does not matter right now. Just do the right thing, always, without exception, starting with the small stuff.
Be on time for dates. If you say you will call her tomorrow evening, do it. If you guarantee to do something or arrange something, do it without fall short. Little by little, with time, love and patience, you will feel her opening up to you. Eventually, she may begin to talk about what happened in that previous relationship to make her so fearful and untrusting.
Be careful now. She wants your support, not your opinion. Just nod alongside wisely, and be sympathetic. She may say things like, She does not think she could ever love again. You can reply that things which seem impossible just take a little longer to do, and time heals all wounds. She may deliberately make things hard for you, to test you.
She needs to know if you are heading to cut and run at the first sign of trouble. She also wants to make you work to win her over, to increase her value in your eyes. In any case, here is a very important point: Never make light of her pain or problems, even the small aspects of them. They are very real to her.
Be consistent and dependable. Be the one she relies on and leans on. She wants to know whether she can rely on you for love and support, in good times and bad. Be there when she needs you. Let her know that she is your top priority. Give her small presents occasionally. If she has children, make a very special effort to get to know them and spend fun time with them.
Without seeming to, she is watching carefully to see how you interact with her kids. If you don't, that could be a deal-breaker. Also, tell her she is hot. Let her know you loved the hamburgers she whipped up in nothing flat. Women can be insecure, and she needs reminding what a wonderful, beautiful girl she really is.
Building trust in a relationship in this way, may seem like a tall order at first. It may even seem to you that you are putting a lot more into this relationship than you are getting out of it. Stick it out, and it should pay off massively later on on. Things will balance out as the relationship progresses. And you could well find yourself with a loving, caring girl who simply adores you!
Jake Rancen is a long time Web writer, publisher and intimate. He toils away over a hot, sweaty pen and paper, helping troubled enthusiasts and spouses like you get back again their trust in a relationship, and find their one true happily ever after.